Comments on: Is it bad to be in the swinglifestyle as a cpl and fall in love with the other man? http://www.swappingswingers.com/is-it-bad-to-be-in-the-swinglifestyle-as-a-cpl-and-fall-in-love-with-the-other-man.html Just another WordPress weblog Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:59:50 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Honey http://www.swappingswingers.com/is-it-bad-to-be-in-the-swinglifestyle-as-a-cpl-and-fall-in-love-with-the-other-man.html/comment-page-1#comment-17 Honey Thu, 04 Feb 2010 11:15:07 +0000 http://www.swappingswingers.com/is-it-bad-to-be-in-the-swinglifestyle-as-a-cpl-and-fall-in-love-with-the-other-man.html#comment-17 My mate and I live an alternative lifestyle as swingers. We've been active about 2 1/2yrs. I cannot say that you two weren't ready for an alternative lifestyle because after 20yrs of marriage, if you weren't ready, there's no such thing as being ready. We've never had any issue like this because even as singles, we recognized the difference between love and sex. You having sex with someone, especially as noncommital as couples swinging is, will not result in you becoming so smitten where you forget what's real. That happens through time spent getting to know the person outside of sex. Only when you confuse sex for love will you get caught up falling in love, when the relationship is only sexual. You never really said, if you still loved your husband. That makes a huge difference. I hope that you discussed the possibilities BEFORE actually participating in any intimate activities. If so, it shouldn't be all that difficult to talk to your husband right now. You both should've been aware that there could come a time when one or both of you could get caught up and have to address some things. Although your husband may be hurt by your deception, its' not as if he shouldn't have suspected that what is happening, could happen. In order to live an alternative lifestyle, the absolute must-have in your relationship is open and honest communication. Once its been established that you can share your feelings with your husband, without ridicule or argument from him, you set the stage to successfully pull off being swingers. With open communication, there is no topic or situation that you two can't discuss. To be honest, this mailman guy should've never been in the equation. You lusting after him before including in him and his woman, is an indication that he can't be down, ESPECIALLY if your husband was unaware of your attraction to him. Living an alternative lifestyle is suppose to be about you and your husband taking your sex life to the next level. Its not about you individually.. it's not about him.. it's not about the couples on the side. You broke the number on rule to swinging- which is absolute honesty. Nothing just happens, especially not sex. Either the guy suggested to you that you meet in secret or you suggested it to him; regardless, it was intentional. Anytime you bring deceit into the picture, you ruin the whole tone of things. When you notice that you start thinking about this person more often than you should, that should tell you that you can't continue seeing him. You were asking for trouble the moment you entered into a conversation about swinging, with this guy. Another thing.. didn't say that there was another woman involved?? Do you know that the guy you're smitten with, is equally as smitten with you? Are either one of you willing to leave your spouses for each other? If not, move on. To play it safe, you can end the relationship and then tell your husband. It's not the right but it is a way, nonetheless. Either way you're still being deceitful but you can at least show that you're dedicated to your marriage and is taking steps to set things right by ending the relationship. If you wanna continue as a swinger, it may play in your favor that you end the relationship before your husband tells you that its best. If you wait until then, he may think you're insincere and not trust you. Without trust, you have no marriage. My mate and I live an alternative lifestyle as swingers. We’ve been active about 2 1/2yrs. I cannot say that you two weren’t ready for an alternative lifestyle because after 20yrs of marriage, if you weren’t ready, there’s no such thing as being ready. We’ve never had any issue like this because even as singles, we recognized the difference between love and sex. You having sex with someone, especially as noncommital as couples swinging is, will not result in you becoming so smitten where you forget what’s real. That happens through time spent getting to know the person outside of sex. Only when you confuse sex for love will you get caught up falling in love, when the relationship is only sexual.

You never really said, if you still loved your husband. That makes a huge difference. I hope that you discussed the possibilities BEFORE actually participating in any intimate activities. If so, it shouldn’t be all that difficult to talk to your husband right now. You both should’ve been aware that there could come a time when one or both of you could get caught up and have to address some things. Although your husband may be hurt by your deception, its’ not as if he shouldn’t have suspected that what is happening, could happen.

In order to live an alternative lifestyle, the absolute must-have in your relationship is open and honest communication. Once its been established that you can share your feelings with your husband, without ridicule or argument from him, you set the stage to successfully pull off being swingers. With open communication, there is no topic or situation that you two can’t discuss.

To be honest, this mailman guy should’ve never been in the equation. You lusting after him before including in him and his woman, is an indication that he can’t be down, ESPECIALLY if your husband was unaware of your attraction to him. Living an alternative lifestyle is suppose to be about you and your husband taking your sex life to the next level. Its not about you individually.. it’s not about him.. it’s not about the couples on the side. You broke the number on rule to swinging- which is absolute honesty. Nothing just happens, especially not sex. Either the guy suggested to you that you meet in secret or you suggested it to him; regardless, it was intentional. Anytime you bring deceit into the picture, you ruin the whole tone of things. When you notice that you start thinking about this person more often than you should, that should tell you that you can’t continue seeing him. You were asking for trouble the moment you entered into a conversation about swinging, with this guy.

Another thing.. didn’t say that there was another woman involved?? Do you know that the guy you’re smitten with, is equally as smitten with you? Are either one of you willing to leave your spouses for each other? If not, move on. To play it safe, you can end the relationship and then tell your husband. It’s not the right but it is a way, nonetheless. Either way you’re still being deceitful but you can at least show that you’re dedicated to your marriage and is taking steps to set things right by ending the relationship. If you wanna continue as a swinger, it may play in your favor that you end the relationship before your husband tells you that its best. If you wait until then, he may think you’re insincere and not trust you. Without trust, you have no marriage.

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